Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Metal Detector Days in Holy Moly/RVA Magazine

My short story, "Metal Detector Days," is in Holy Moly, a supplement to RVA Magazine. To see it, go to the RVA Magazine site, scroll down about 3/4 of the way, and click on the image on the left side that says "Holy Moly." It'll download as a PDF. My story is on p. 30.

Here's an excerpt:

"Our first morning in Richmond, after my sister and I, both vegetarian at the time, ate grilled cheese for breakfast, he drove our family around Northside, pointing out the houses of all of his ex-girlfriends.
'We went to junior prom together. My daddy said I could only borrow the car if he sat in the backseat. He told me he didn’t wanna be a grandfather just yet.'
We stopped in on his great-great aunt Edith, the one that he didn’t like because she wouldn’t talk to him in the late ‘60s when his hair was too long. She had saved his hippie ass from getting jumped one time when he was leaving her house. As he was walking towards his blue VW Bug, some tough guys crossed the street and came at him. Edith ducked into the shotgun house and came back onto her porch with a handgun, which she fired into the lawn. The thugs crossed to the other sidewalk.
My sister and I liked Edith; when she won at the horses, she’d give us twenty-dollar bills. Twenty bucks was a lot then, when minimum wage was $4.25 and a whole meal at Taco Bell came to $2.07, after the tax.
My mom told Edith about the ex-girlfriend tour.
'Don’t you worry Mary, they’re all fat grandmothers by now.'"

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Notes On Haikus

I suck at keeping a diary, but wanted a way to keep track of my day-to-day life. I was reading Snakepit, admiring the economy of the daily three panels, thinking it was like a punk rock haiku. That got me thinking that I should write a haiku every morning. That was December '05. I've written a haiku every day since.

2005 Haikus

Haiku 12/8/05

Fuck I hate my job.
Took bong hits, made a mixtape.
Went to bed early.

Haiku 12/9/05

X rocked at Roseland
while I was kissing my girlfriend
walking home real late.

Haiku 12/10/05

Emailing off my
Teaching Fellows Application
praying for cool work.

Haiku 12/11/05

Wrote a guitar song.
Drank with Michelle and Evan.
Nightmare about work

Haiku 12/12/05

In my writing class
Quang had some great suggestions
Had a cold ride home

Haiku 12/13/05

Lost my job today.
"Does that mean I don't have to
work here anymore?"

Haiku 12/14/05

Coffee and comics
Sending out my resume
Grillo's on a date!

Haiku 12/15/05

Stand-up comedy
Pizza place with take-out beer
Transit strike looming.

Haiku 12/16/05

Photobooth photos
of how I rode my bike home,
skinny legs 'n' all.

Haiku 12/17/05

To bed late, rise soon.
Hangover cures, band practice,
Chinexican food.

Haiku 12/18/05

Two hours upstate
for a museum and an
eerie restaurant.

Haiku 12/19/05

I'm breaking atoms,
Brooklyn to Koreatown,
yelling "Free James Brown!"

Haiku 12/20/05

Good ol' transit strike,
every day I ride my bike.
Nothing new for me.

Haiku 12/21/05

I like Wild Turkey,
shitty jokes, and my girlfriend,
all at the same time.

Haiku 12/22/05

Mac 'n' cheese, string beans,
got drunk, got nine hours of sleep,
still a worried man.

Haiku 12/23/05

Last day at my job,
didn't get into grad school,
what else could go wrong?

Haiku 12/24/05

Richmond, Virginia.
Barely just got home, don't know
why I'm bagging leaves.

Haiku 12/25/05

Senile relatives,
angry relatives, good times,
guitar talk and rain.

Haiku 12/26/05

Traffic's never bad
'til you get real close to home,
and sit for two hours.

Haiku 12/27/05

Don't tell my Mom, but,
when you buy drugs from your friends,
you can write a check.

Haiku 12/28/05

Boston's new and old.
The house I was born in is
blue like it was then.

Haiku 12/29/05

Goodbye to Boston.
Chinatown Dunkin' Donuts,
with half a head cold.

Haiku 12/30/05

Guitar Center, please,
fire the guy that said I look
like Brandon Fraser.

Haiku 12/31/05

Adios '05,
your boy can mix a perfect
Manhattan by eye.

2006 Haiku Diary

Haiku 1/1

What a perfect day.
Horror movie, Mexican food,
and not too sunny.

Haiku 1/2

Japanese bootleg
video games. "Galaga"
is now "Galaza."

Haiku 1/3

Job interview time.
Bust out the ol' Gap sweater,
and tune your guitar.

Haiku 1/4

Dreamt my Dad had a
Bo Diddley guitar with a
bible stuck in it.

Haiku 1/5

Found a part-time job.
Heaven knows I'm mis'rable,
Morrissey was right!

Haiku 1/6

For veggie dumplings,
gamble on sharing tables
at New Green Bo, dude.

Haiku 1/7

This winter's alright.
I haven't worn longjohns once.
Guess I just jinxed it.

Haiku 1/8

Weekends don't mean much
when you only work ten hours
leading up to them.

Haiku 1/9

When you lie awake,
I don't suggest lingering
on past betrayals.

Haiku 1/10

I'm so productive.
I wish that this part time job
could pay the damn rent!

Haiku 1/11

Am I a slackass?
No shower, thanks to Tetris
and an ab workout.

Haiku 1/12

I'm like Sisyphus.
Spent half the day putting back
what I pulled before.

Haiku 1/13

This bar looks like if
a goth teen decorated
her parents' whole house.

Haiku 1/14

Richmond called at 10,
when I was baking cookies,
not sure what to do.

Haiku 1/15

This weekend was great.
I cooked a shitload of food
and bought a guitar.

Haiku 1/16

Sharon, you rule, girl.
Please take me to see Wu-Tang
on Valentine's Day.

Haiku 1/17

Stayed in from the show
to cook and watch "Jason X."
Hell, it was raining.

Haiku 1/18

Got a second job,
an existential nightmare
with a red pencil.

Haiku 1/19

Couldn't sleep last night.
Finished what I was reading,
and lay there, blinking.

Haiku 1/20

Both jobs, ragtime band,
my friends' punk band, bar-hopping,
all on five hours sleep.

Haiku 1/21

My band recorded,
then I went to a party.
Some girl dropped my weed.

Haiku 1/22

I spent the whole day
tripping on magic mushrooms.
I need to slow down.

Haiku 1/23

Try cooking curry
when you've got a bunch of old
veggies in your fridge.

Haiku 1/24

Hit an open mic.
Didn't talk to anyone
but the bartender.

Haiku 1/25

New downstairs neighbor
lets her smoke alarm go off
all the live long day.

Haiku 1/27

People doing coke
look like giant anteaters.
Fun party, lame drugs.

Haiku 1/28

It was so nice out,
but I was in the basement,
recording demos.

Haiku 1/29

It started to rain
when we were leaving the house.
We left anyway.

Haiku 1/30

Only had one drink,
ran three miles, had no fried food,
and feel really good.

Haiku 1/31

Played that open mic
that I talked about last week.
Biked home in the rain.

Haiku 2/1

Peach quesadillas
sure put me in a good mood.
Here's to you, black beans!

Haiku 2/2

Finish up your work,
the plane to Puerto Rico
leaves just before dawn.

Haiku 2/3

On the plane at 5
"Walk the Line" was the in-flight
Already sunburned.

Haiku 2/4

Gallos, platanos
tele en el hotele,
y ron sabroso.

Haiku 2/5

The beach in the rain
is still pretty fucking sweet.
Kinda miss veggies.

Haiku 2/6

Sacamos fotos
en un cementerio,
en un gran playa.

Haiku 2/7

Boring plane ride home,
unpacked, rocked Cody Chesnutt,
destroyed the bathroom.

Haiku 2/8

Work computer's down,
other job wants more hours,
friends in town backed out.

Haiku 2/9

Great head-butt, Jamie.
It looks like a herpes sore
on my lower lip.

Haiku 2/10

Going to Philly
to see Wu-Tang tomorrow.
36 Chambers!

Haiku 2/11

Wu-Tang in Philly,
then "Bride of Chucky" was on.
Happy birthday, Dad!

Haiku 2/12

Big fucking snowstorm!
Bus drivers still won't slow down,
but we're home on time.

Haiku 2/13

All these things to do
fill my head and keep me from
doing anything.

Haiku 2/14

V-Day was a bust.
I tried to paint the bedroom,
and Sharon was sick.

Haiku 2/15

I called in to work
so I could finish painting.
Don't tell anyone!

Haiku 2/16

I hung up some shelves.
We moved in eight months ago,
so it was high time.

Haiku 2/17

Ever just stay in
'cos you think you're getting sick,
then just get hyper?

Haiku 2/18

Ate a lot of beans
and hung with Shauna and Matt.
It was cold as fuck!

Haiku 2/19

When you cook a bunch,
try to make the bath towels
smell like fried chicken.

Haiku 2/20

Got a bad night's sleep,
treated my stomach bad, and
saw bad comedy.

Haiku 2/21

I got drunk on wine.
All Strangers played a great show
at a good potluck.

Haiku 2/22

I work from home, and
my neighbor likes reggaeton.
Callate, cono!

Haiku 2/23

In the studio
until one, working on the
All Strangers demo.

Haiku 2/24

Tacos for dinner,
hilarious bus driver,
scary cab driver.

Haiku 2/25

Tacos for breakfast,
and hung out with my parents.
Also saw Liza!

Haiku 2/26

No tacos today,
just band practice and oatmeal.
Watched "Pink Panther," too.

Haiku 2/27

Some days just go by.
Nothing funny or crappy,
just work, eat, and sleep.

Haiku 2/28

Put in my notice!
Take that, shitty job!

Haiku 3/1

Drunk guy by the store
is singing Luther Vandross
while we're walking home.

Haiku 3/2

Right after dinner,
I organized my closet
while I was all high.

Haiku 3/3

When Sharon's not home,
I cook meat and listen to
music that she hates.

Haiku 3/4

Saw The Smoking Popes,
and the Curious George flick.
Hear that? Best day ever.

Haiku 3/5

Slept in like crazy,
and got nothing done all day.
Couldn't even sleep.

Haiku 3/6

Man was I tired,
on autopilot all day.
Finished my book, though.

Haiku 3/7

Red wine marinade,
garlic mayo sauce, and a
book by Chester Himes.

Haiku 3/8

Took the day off work
because it's Sharon's spring break.
Rode our bikes around.

Haiku 3/9

Found a light up cross
by a church on Washington.
Brought it home. Creepy!

Haiku 3/10

Some nice-ass weather!
Nothing to do but drink beer!
Springtime in New York!

Haiku 3/11

Ate Veggie Castle,
walked home, biked to a soul night
at a soulless bar.

Haiku 3/12

Bad day, thanks to a
fucking allergy attack.
I hardly went out.

Haiku 3/13

I quit my dumb job
and stayed up 'til 3 mixing
the All Strangers stuff.

Haiku 3/14

My new rule of thumb:
Only go to restaurants
that fat people like.

Haiku 3/15

My temp job is doomed,
but my "Beavis and Butthead"
DVDs did come.

Haiku 3/16

Read. Push-ups. Coffee.
Work. Jog. Lunch. Laundry. More work.
DVD. Punk show.

Haiku 3/17

Finally checked out
the liquor store with the huge
rum pirate out front.

Haiku 3/18

Had to drown a mouse.
Got a tracksuit from Caitlin.
What a weird/cool day.

Haiku 3/19

Next year, my parents
are moving back to Boston.
Get outta the south!

Haiku 3/20

The post office line
was so long, my MP3
battery ran out.

Haiku 3/21

Did some temp work for
the folks I work from home for.
Then I worked at home.

Haiku 3/22

Working lots this week,
saving for when I don't work,
and I just worry.

Haiku 3/23

I worked ten hours
on one website. I think my
eyes are gonna cross.

Haiku 3/24

Whatchoo know about
a nineteen hundred dollar
tax return, sucka?

Haiku 3/25

I paced myself well.
Drank a lot of shitty beer
and secondhand smoke.

Haiku 3/26

I worked a lot, but
still had a lazy Sunday.
It's a crime not to.

Haiku 3/27

I should have changed pants.
My "work jeans" got all smoky
over the weekend.

Haiku 3/28

Yo! Thank you, Ghostface,
for dropping a fly album
right by my birthday.

Haiku 3/29

I'm twenty-seven!
Started my year clear-headed;
worked hard, exercised.

Haiku 3/30

Walked through the city,
and then I rode my longboard
through my neighborhood.

Haiku 3/31

The Westside Highway
bike path shoots up Manhattan
like spice through your tongue.

Haiku 4/1

Two trays of nachos!
This includes three bags of chips,
and four bags of cheese.

Haiku 4/2

Nachos, two new songs,
skateboarding, nice-ass weather,
Jamaican shower.

Haiku 4/3

Sat up late, reading.
And I saw Bobcat Goldthwaite
walking down Broadway.

Haiku 4/4

I crave free time, but
when I get it, why do I
just piss it away?

Haiku 4/5

There's no telling if
I'll want to be creative
when I have the time.

Haiku 4/6

Young bar folks get all
nostalgic for alt-rock songs
I'm too old to like.

Haiku 4/7

Saw The Hold Steady!
Sharon said I was the most
ethnic person there.

Haiku 4/8

Had a hangover.
I gave myself a tattoo
and had some houseguests.

Haiku 4/9

It's between winter
and the allergy season.
A grace period.

Haiku 4/10

Did you ever drink
bourbon from hollow chocolate
Easter Bunny heads?

Haiku 4/11

There's a bottle of
Remy in the food photos
at the Chinese spot.

Haiku 4/12

Celebrated our
anniversary, watching
"Reno 911."

Haiku 4/13

My sister's moving
in a neighborhood over.
I made stuffed peppers.

Haiku 4/14

Sat in traffic for
four hours and I had an
allergy attack.

Haiku 4/15

My old band played a
reunion show in Richmond.
It was really fun.

Haiku 4/16

Lost my voice last night,
and spent the afternoon in
my parents' crawlspace.

Haiku 4/17

Went to a high school,
spoke to a class about zines.
Still freaked out by jocks.

Haiku 4/18

Pervert's holding up
nudie photos from his car.
I'm on the Greyhound.

Haiku 4/19

Left my phone at work,
then returned Matt's Metrocard.
Made two trips back.

Haiku 4/20

Dude, it's four-twenty!
I cleared the bong twice before
heading off to work.

Haiku 4/21

Pulled a skater punk
up through Bed-Stuy on my bike
on my way back home.

Haiku 4/22

Felt sick and sneezy.
Got Tigerbalm in my eye,
and watched "ATL."

Haiku 4/23

When the rain let up,
we rode bikes into Crown Heights
for some ital food.

Haiku 4/24

A little-known fact:
An hour of air hockey
is really tiring.

Haiku 4/25

Lew, Drew and me jumped
the Coney Island gun. Cheap
beer's back in my life.

Haiku 4/26

I dreamed I pissed blood.
That'll sure fuck up your day.
I blame the pollen.

Haiku 4/27

Know what I'm sick of?
Sneezing! Fucking sneezing! Ugh!
I'll run out of snot!

Haiku 4/28

Bar's got weak drinks, a
four dollar photo booth, and
dress shirts. I'm leaving.

Haiku 4/29

I played music with
Kareem, Myles and Marc today.
Good times, loud guitars.

Haiku 4/30

Blugh. Sat on my ass
doing extra freelance work.
Not much to report.

Haiku 5/1

Lord, please help me stop
listening to Hall & Oates
over and over.

Haiku 5/2

Working at home is
kinda lonesome, but better
than dealing with jerks.

Haiku 5/3

Why'd it start to rain
when I was gonna go skate?
Meh, guess I'll just bike.

Haiku 5/4

Well-fed pink men say
in ol' Virginia.

(*for Meeo)*

Haiku 5/5

I'm a grizzly bear.
I just eat a lot of fish
and hang out alone.

Haiku 5/6

Harlem walking tour.
Saw where my grandma hung out.
It's an IHOP now.

Haiku 5/7

When you work at home,
the city is yours, but you
share on the weekend.

Haiku 5/8

Got a bunch of zines
and fell asleep reading them
on the couch at nine.

Haiku 5/9

Sharon woke me up
so there'd be a new haiku
when she got to work.

Haiku 5/10

Yes! Stuffed pepper date!
"Grandma's Boy" on DVD,
and Table Talk pies!

Haiku 5/11

Why did the cops tail
me when I was out riding
my bike in the park?

Haiku 5/12

Got gay married
to get some health insurance.
Shit's cruising along.

Haiku 5/13

Had some friends in town.
Goddamn did I eat a lot.
By "eat" I mean "drink."

Haiku 5/14

Glad I'm not used to
the hangovers anymore,
but damn do they hurt.

Haiku 5/15

With all this free time,
you'd think I'd write more than just
a haiku a day.

Haiku 5/16

Emergency room
was too busy, so we left
and bought Jack Daniel's.

Haiku 5/17

Wow, what a fun night!
Art, slider burgers, and a
German beer garden.

Haiku 5/18

I cooked four courses
and not one of them was fried!
I'm losing my touch.

Haiku 5/19

Went drinking again.
Wow, what will I think of next?
Hangovers rock ass!

Haiku 5/20

The dance party ruled!
I made the floor electric
to Miami bass.

Haiku 5/21

Slept 'til noon cos I
went to a dance party and
spilled beer on my Clark's.

Haiku 5/22

I worked, read, and cooked.
Hugel came by for a bit,
we watched "CSI."

Haiku 5/23

The glare of the sun
was so strong that I hardly
got home from the park.

Haiku 5/24

Yesterday's was "emo."
I meant that the weather's sweet,
and Prospect Park rules.

Haiku 5/25

Went to a weird show.
Made me glad I don't still tour.
My ears are ringing.

Haiku 5/26

I made a collage
of porn and religious tracts,
then drew a skater.

Haiku 5/27

Helped my sister move,
then got four drinks spilled on me
at a "dance" party.

Haiku 5/28

At a cookout, got
two sets of balls on my head
at the same damn time.

Haiku 5/29

Got hot overnight.
I cut the sleeves off some shirts,
and ditched out on socks.

Haiku 5/30

A new way to say
"Worked, took a bike ride, cooked, chilled"
would be most welcome.

Haiku 5/31

Went to see Team Dresch.
Brought back punk house memories
while they owned the stage.

Haiku 6/1

I stayed in to rest.
It was a long week of fun,
and I'm partied out.

Haiku 6/2

The sky opened up
down by Empire Boulevard.
Soaked and far from home.

Haiku 6/3

It was all rainy.
I got full of cheezburgerz,
and did some writing.

Haiku 6/4

It's good to go out
on Sunday nights. Keeps Fox shows
from taking over.

Haiku 6/5

Neighborhood kids say
"Hey mister, do a kickflip!"
when I'm out skating.

Haiku 6/6

It's 6/6/06!
Went out looking for LARPers.
Not much going on.

Haiku 6/7

I appreciate
a big dinner, a bongload,
and a few whiskeys.

Haiku 6/8

Popping pills to sleep,
fucking neighbors all outside,
radio still plays.

Haiku 6/9

This Green Day CD
is so old that the songs don't
come up on iTunes.

Haiku 6/10

I got a fever
and couldn't go see Dungen.
How shitty is that?

Haiku 6/11

I dreamt my old job
was in a high school classroom.
It made perfect sense.

Haiku 6/12

With no appetite,
I'm a shadow of myself.
I hate being sick.

Haiku 6/13

Raymond Chandler makes
me wish for a past era
I'd never live in.

Haiku 6/14

My Grandma's dying,
my job's cutting my hours,
and my new band rules.

Haiku 6/15

Slept bad, worked too much,
then saw Maceo Parker,
and all was aces.

Haiku 6/16

Extra work, the park,
a book, a margarita,
a sugar headache.

Haiku 6/17

It was overcast
and the water was freezing,
but the beach still ruled.

Haiku 6/18

It was hot as nuts
and I had the worst beershits.
Got some writing done.

Haiku 6/19

Worried about work,
'cos they're cutting back hours.
Otherwise, just chilled.

Haiku 6/20

Went to an art show.
I stood on the balcony
and watched the city.

Haiku 6/21

Fucked up resume,
still got the interview call.
This job should rule... NOT!

Haiku 6/22

A creepy dude bar,
and then to a gay punk show.
I ran the gamut.

Haiku 6/23

New England traffic,
and leaving New York traffic.
A bizarre beach town.

Haiku 6/24

Ate a Maine lobster
then panicked at the pitch-black
small town seaside night.

Haiku 6/25

Drank the hangover,
ate the leftovers, hit a
Russian barbecue.

Haiku 6/26

When it's late and drunk,
"No Parking Monday" looks like
"No Parking Sunday."

Haiku 6/27

I often miss home
when I'm on a trip. It's hard
to miss loud neighbors.

Haiku 6/28

Is it a good thing
when Wednesdays feel like Sundays?
I need some more work.

Haiku 6/29

Found a pair of shades
almost just like the sweet ones
I broke last summer.

Haiku 6/30

Ate vegan all day
and ran around the whole park.
...then I got shitfaced.

Haiku 7/1

I thought that the fruit
from the empty sangria
was fruit salad. Eww.

Haiku 7/2

At the beach I saw
Corky from "Life Goes On," and
got a sunburned chest.

Haiku 7/3

It was hot as nuts.
I went for a run, and then
played a decent show.

Haiku 7/4

People next to us
singing patriotic songs
in off harmony.

Haiku 7/5

Sent out resumes,
made stuffed peppers, wrote a bit.
Where did my day go?

Haiku 7/6

Two calls about jobs!
Fired up the slow cooker,
and stayed up too late.

Haiku 7/7

Manager asks me
to "describe your work ethnic."
I don't want the job.

Haiku 7/8

Ladies & gentlemen, people of the press, I ask you:
Which one of these two haikus should be the official Haiku of The Day for July 8th? Leave your vote as a comment...

I don't see new bands,
just the reunions of bands
I liked in high school.

Got doored on my bike
after hanging with Barker
at the Lifetime show.

Haiku 7/9

We biked up to Queens.
Went to an Olympic pool
and a Czech beer hall.

Haiku 7/10

I love the crockpot-
the whole apartment smells tight!
Ate a huge dinner.

Haiku 7/11

Slow cooker all day,
while I was at band practice,
and doing laundry.

Haiku 7/12

My modem's fucked up.
No "How To Tie A Tie" site
for my interview.

Haiku 7/13

Did courier work,
saw free music in the park,
and had nice houseguests.

Haiku 7/14

My friend Mike's in town.
Known him since 7th grade math,
but we get drunk now.

Haiku 7/15

Chicken and waffles,
outdoor food and Art Brut show,
Common on Fulton.

Haiku 7/16

Verrazanno toll
is like eating spicy food -
hurts more going out.

Haiku 7/17

I took three dumps, and
stepped on a little kid's hand.
He was on some stairs.

Haiku 7/18

Oppressively hot.
Stayed in doing freelance work,
took a walk at night.

Haiku 7/19

Had a band practice
in the middle of the day.
Working at home rules.

Haiku 7/20

Got a cameraphone.
The first photo that I took
was of Sharon's boobs.

Haiku 7/21

Woke up in Richmond.
It's real hot in the suburbs.
Went to Mike's wedding.

Haiku 7/22

It's hot in Richmond.
Drove from AC to AC,
even with the clouds.

Haiku 7/23

Man, fuck the Greyhound.
And the guy on his cellphone.
Fuck him too, big time.

Haiku 7/24

Did some freelance work,
signed with a temp agency,
drew a sweet wizard.

Haiku 7/25

Went for a good run -
the weather's been mercyful.
Ate some leftovers.

Haiku 7/26

I think this temp job
wants me to take a drug test.
What do I do now?

Haiku 7/27

Flight to Milwaukee.
Haven't seen Neil in three years.
Tax refund summer!

Haiku 7/28

Off the plane, to the
Black Holocaust Museum
then a Brew'ry tour.

Haiku 7/29

A creepy brownout,
foot blisters, deep-dish pizza,
Nice boobs, Chicago.

Haiku 7/30

Milwaukee sure eats.
A sunburn Sunday street fair.
Milwaukee sure drinks.

Haiku 7/31

On the plane first thing,
sore from the crooked futon.
Had a great visit.

Haiku 8/1

With the heat index,
it's as close to boiling as
it is to freezing.

Haiku 8/2

It was hot as nutz!
Had a dude date to the beach
with good ol' Joey.

Haiku 8/3

To get free healthcare,
I should have worked two hours less.
So damn frustrating.

Haiku 8/4

A triathalon!
Went running, biked to a show,
and walked to a bar.

Haiku 8/5

Going kinda broke,
then I got shortchanged five bucks.
Wound up drunk. The blues!

Haiku 8/6

Freckles on my lips
from all the sun this summer.
They look like ink stains.

Haiku 8/7

Rode to Big George's,
talked to a merchant marine
about Australia.

Haiku 8/8

It's so damn nice out,
even Wythe Ave. was pretty.
That's impossible!

Haiku 8/9

Did some freelance work,
and sent out some resumes.
Hung with Marc and Glenn.

Haiku 8/10

Donuts are hard drugs;
they seem like a fun idea,
but they just hurt you.

Haiku 8/11

I should be sleeping,
but instead I'm haikuing.
Tomorrow I'll hurt.

Haiku 8/12

Three meals of tacos.
Almost beat the hangover.
Sorta took a nap.

Haiku 8/13

I slept the hell in,
and then worked on some writing.
Get better, Sharon.

Haiku 8/14

A temp agency,
a sweet new tattoo design,
awesome comedy.

Haiku 8/15

Computer's fucked up,
what the hell else can go wrong?
It's Caitlin's birthday.

Haiku 8/16

Ravioli soup,
a couple new leads on jobs.
Not optimistic.

Haiku 8/17

Edited my zine.
I'm gonna lay it out soon.
This is exciting.

Haiku 8/18

Coffee, Hall and Oates,
run in the park, interview,
a rooftop party.

Haiku 8/19

Bootleg DVDs,
then a birthday kegger for
Caitlin and Joey.

Haiku 8/20

Damn "Snakes on a Plane"
bootleg stopped in the middle.
I just went to bed.

Haiku 8/21

Scared up a temp job,
dreamed that Manhattan was cool,
copped the new Outkast.

Haiku 8/22

Placing lots of calls,
asking questions about decks.
Temp it up, tempy!

Haiku 8/23

It's weird to be back
on work-run-cook-then sleep mode.
How will next week go?

Haiku 8/24

Phoning this one in
because yesterday was like
the day before it.

Haiku 8/25

Left work at two, to
try and get my head on straight.
So goddamn tired.

Haiku 8/26

Smoked a bunch of hash
then took pictures of my dick.
Yup, I suck at life.

Haiku 8/27

More shitty weather.
I did a ton of cooking,
then layed out my zine.

Haiku 8/28

Big Bank Brooklyn to
Money-makin' Manhattan -
Drinking the cheap stuff.

Haiku 8/29

Got soaked in the rain -
fuck this Noah's Ark bullshit.
Young Brothers first show.

Haiku 8/30

Biked up to Times Square.
When I got to my temp job,
I was sweaty as hell.

Haiku 8/31

I went out to dinner -
the seitan tasted like feet.
Walked home from Times Square.

Haiku 9/1

I fell on my face
while doing the Kid 'n' Play
in my living room.

Haiku 9/2

Slept in, drank coffee.
It's still raining, and so I
went out and got drunk.

Haiku 9/3

Finally sunny.
Biked around all day, drinking
and eating pizza.

Haiku 9/4

I wore myself out
on another long weekend.
Stay in to do work!

Haiku 9/5

Got a "manny" job,
taking care of a toddler.
Things are settling in.

Haiku 9/6

What's worse than waiting?
People fussing about the
line at the PO.

Haiku 9/7

We've come for art films,
learning, and satisfaction.
And we got art films.

Haiku 9/8

At my internship
we rocked Wu-Tang Clan all day,
then I bought some bourbon.

Haiku 9/9

A final beach trip.
A breezy rooftop party.
Summer's winding down.

Haiku 9/10

African drum sesh
on a backyard trampoline
on Atlantic Ave.

Haiku 9/11

If I mention it,
then all the terrorists win,
and The Post shuts up.

Haiku 9/12

Day one of sitting.
The little kid is awesome
and I'm exhausted.

Haiku 9/13

Played a real good show,
and busted out some new songs.
Joey on djembe.

Haiku 9/14

Babysat all day.
My new rap name: Han Dolo.
Got a new TV.

Haiku 9/15

Got parents in town
and bitemarks from then kid I
took care of all day.

Haiku 9/16

My parents came by,
then I went to band practice,
and ate some hot wings.

Haiku 9/17

The best bourbon is
always named after someone's
racist grandfather.

Haiku 9/18

Why does UPS
deliver at the same time
after you're not home?

Haiku 9/19

I'm more productive
when I'm busy as shit. Now
I'm REAL productive.

Haiku 9/20

Freelanced a whole bunch,
went to the grocery store,
then watched "Vacation."

Haiku 9/21

Where do mosquitos
come from when it's September?
They go TO my room...

Haiku 9/22

Does babysitting
and editing Moms make me

Haiku 9/23

Went apple picking.
A van all the way upstate
rode with sixteen friends.

Haiku 9/24

The bourbon tasting
started at noon, then I got
a flat on my bike.

Haiku 9/25

It's Sharon's birthday.
Was the weird neighbor watching?
Sure as hell hope not.

Haiku 9/26

Pinkeye's almost gone.
Busted out the contacts and
got school-night loaded.

Haiku 9/27

A hangover walk
twice across the neighborhood
in the sweet fall sun.

Haiku 9/28

Had a good bike ride,
looked for the new Lemonheads,
did some voiceover.

Haiku 9/29

Pretty easy day
babysat, made some dinner,
ate lots of dessert.

Haiku 9/30

Biked up to Bushwick
got a fever, some guy tried
to steal my damn bike.

Haiku 10/1

Stayed in bed 'til one,
took a nap at seven, then
back to bed at ten.

Haiku 10/2

Ev'ry night I get
eaten up by mosquitoes.
What the fuck? It's fall!

Haiku 10/3

Got a tattoo of
an orangutan dressed up
as Dr. Watson.

Haiku 10/4

I'm stressed the hell out
working, cooking, and packing
to go see Byers.

Haiku 10/5

Some crockpot cooking,
and packing for my bus trip.
Not a lot happened.

Haiku 10/6

Up at 5 a.m.
and read a lot on the bus.
New England's killer.

Haiku 10/7

Took a nine-mile hike,
and then ate a cheeseburger.
Mancation kicks ass.

Haiku 10/8

We used to come here
in the '80s. Now I'm here
by coincidence.

Haiku 10/9

Took a final hike
to a little waterfall,
then got on the bus.

Haiku 10/10

Back babysitting,
still thinking about hiking.
This walk-up ain't shit.

Haiku 10/11

Stuck on a dark bus,
rain, at the end of the line.
Thanks for the heads up.

Haiku 10/12

The kid wouldn't nap
and I couldn't sleep last night.
What a damn headache.

Haiku 10/13

I was real sleepy
so I watched "Barbarella"
and had a big meal.

Haiku 10/14

Had some band practice,
homemade fried chicken, and then
my old friend, cheap booze.

Haiku 10/15

Oops, woke up early.
An aimless Manhattan walk,
and a huge dinner.

Haiku 10/16

Got rung up wrong and
got a free blazer that I
still couldn't afford.

Haiku 10/17

Saw some comedy.
Got singled out for some "laffs."
Women be shopping.

Haiku 10/18

When freelancing you're
rarely comfie, never bored,
and often worried.

Haiku 10/19

The day just went by,
and there's nothing wrong with that
every now and then.

Haiku 10/20

There's lots of wiggas
living in Cincinnati.
What's crackin', "8 Mile?"

Haiku 10/21

Driving through Cinci
and eating all of Cinci.
Good time, sprawl city.

Haiku 10/22

Well, drank like a champ
under the gray 'nati sky,
and conked out early.

Haiku 10/23

Dude! We got a cat!
He's gray, with blue eyes, like me.
We named his ass Carl.

Haiku 10/24

So fucking windy!
Had to pedal going down
the Manhattan Bridge.

Haiku 10/25

Peanut gallery
at the laundromat hates on
reality shows.

Haiku 10/26

It's gray and windy.
Rode my longboard to Park Slope
and did freelance work.

Haiku 10/27

After band practice
I got all wet biking home
and stayed the hell in.

Haiku 10/28

Sharon spilled her bike
and bled all on her costume.
"A dead Blues Brother."

Haiku 10/29

A perfect Sunday
with time in the park and a
ton of home cooking.

Haiku 10/30

Made a mix CD-
jams for embarrassing dads.
Don Henley, Dire Straits.

Haiku 10/31

Happy Halloween.
A night of staying up late
for no good reason.

Haiku 11/1

Rock cliche Mad Libs.
"We just came off this looooong tour!"
"Thanks for coming out!"

Haiku 11/2

Watched "East of Eden."
James Dean's way overrated.
What a crybaby.

Haiku 11/3

Saw a suit fall down
on the sidewalk in SoHo.
That shit made my day!

Haiku 11/4

Hungover as shit.
Walked to Union Square, made zines,
four-story punk show.

Haiku 11/5

Security guard
at the Jewish Museum
followed us around.

Haiku 11/6

Man, I ate a lot
of food for no good reason.
The Food Lion roars!

Haiku 11/7

Repubs lost the house.
I feel a bit less guilty
cos I didn't vote.

Haiku 11/8

Jalapeno hands
holding my contact lenses
and stinging my eyes.

Haiku 11/9

Seventy degrees?
Not wearing jackets because
global warming rocks!

Haiku 11/10

The cat hit my balls
and the kid I babysit
stepped on my tattoo.

Haiku 11/11

I, slug, ate some grease,
went to the movies, and then
stayed up late, drinking.

Haiku 11/12

Running in the rain
until my feet got soaked and
I wrung out my clothes.

Haiku 11/13

More rain and more sleep,
heating up some leftovers,
watching "CSI."

Haiku 11/14

The job you don't want
is always the first to call.
Misspelled resume.

Haiku 11/15

Fuck Cablevision!
They can't fix my internet
because theirs broke too!

Haiku 11/16

Lots of shit to do
so I'm wasting lots of time
getting nothing done.

Haiku 11/17

Shitfaced in Red Hook,
singing some karaoke
for Evan's birthday.

Haiku 11/18

The cable guy came
while I was busy puking
up water and beer.

Haiku 11/19

The classic slow day
running errands, eating brunch,
and watching cartoons.

Haiku 11/20

What a long-ass day.
Babysitting a fever
that wouldn't go nap.

Haiku 11/21

Part time and short term,
the magic words on CraigsList
when weird job hunting.

Haiku 11/22

Plenty cheeseburgers
Wondering why cool kids all
dress like Garth Algar.

Haiku 11/23

Happy Birthday, Mom.
Woke up and started cooking
then walked in the rain.

Haiku 11/24

More babysitting
and then even more eating.
What a killer rut.

Haiku 11/25

A weekend workday
makes for a weakened chill day
and a night at home.

Haiku 11/26

Until it got dark,
in the park for three hours
walking in a "Q."

Haiku 11/27

Fifty Queens cop shots
Diallo for 2K6
Bet the pigs go free.

Haiku 11/28

Plenty of biking
and ital-vital eating,
plus it never rained.

Haiku 11/29

Nearly December
and it's sixty degrees out.
Al Gore is pissed off!

Haiku 11/30

No real exercise.
57th Street's too far
for a bike commute.

Haiku 12/1

Rabbit rabbit, y'all!
Happy birthday Jeremy,
sweet surprise party.

Haiku 12/2

Cruising along, tired.
Eighteen back-to-back work days.
This is number seven.

Haiku 12/3

When you get locked out,
take a walk in Central Park
while they get the key.

Haiku 12/4

It's finally cold,
giving me an excuse to
park it in a bar.

Haiku 12/5

Didn't do jack shit,
just rode my bike in the cold
and rocked some salmon.

Haiku 12/6

Did some freelance work,
ate Vietnamese seitan,
and that's about it.

Haiku 12/7

At the mattress store
guys talk aboout "Britney's snatch,"
and play Heavy D.

Haiku 12/8

Paper Sisyphus
while these stacks of editing
replenish themselves.

Haiku 12/9

What does "faux dive" mean?
Fratboys in a basement with
eight dollar call drinks.

Haiku 12/10

First night bartending
was exhausting - Second job
I went to that day.

Haiku 12/11

Shut my eyes on foot,
seeing if I can rest while
walking to the train.

Haiku 12/12

Finally slept in,
got to take a bike ride, and
cooked a huge dinner.

Haiku 12/13

Seventeenth day straight
at one job or another.
Making up lost time.

Haiku 12/14

Jogging in the fog
and playing like I'm Frodo
on an epic quest.

Haiku 12/15

Fifty-two minutes
to walk to Houston St. from
Columbus Circle.

Haiku 12/16

Carried a toddler
and a piss-covered kickball
across Canal St.

Haiku 12/17

Bartended again.
It was all cool except for
counting out the drawer.

Haiku 12/18

Anxiety dreams
about friends eating raw meat
geting hit by cars.

Haiku 12/19

My last day of work
until well after Christmas.
Finally rest up.

Haiku 12/20

First day off all month.
Fried chicken and Christmas gifts
with my lady love.

Haiku 12/21

Up at 4:30,
losing my contact lenses
before showering.

Haiku 12/22

Slept ten plus hours.
I love that secondhand smoke,
the rain, and the car.

Haiku 12/23

There's no such thing as
a considerate smoker,
with my lungs involved.

Haiku 12/24

Took a reggae run
Hung with the kegerator
Drew dicks on my face.

Haiku 12/25

Weird conspiracy:
James Brown dies the day before
Jesus's birthday.

Haiku 12/26

Had some Terrytime,
took Sharon to Mamma Zu's,
and then to The Byrd.

Haiku 12/27

Dreamt about mole,
bad talk radio car ride,
took off on my bike.

Haiku 12/28

Didn't do jack shit,
and it felt about perfect
to sit on my ass.

Haiku 12/29

Had a big morning
acting wicked cultural,
then I got some beer.

Haiku 12/30

Rode my bike around
exchanging those xmas gifts
that don't fit my life.

Haiku 12/31

10 9 8 7
6 5 4 3 2 1 and
chocolate fondue!